The Zombie World Around Us

1. Cardio
2. Double tap
3. Beware of bathrooms
4. Seatbelts
6. Cast iron skillet
7. Travel light
8. Get a kickass partner
12. Bounty paper towels
15. Bowling Ball
17. Don't be a hero (later, 'Be a Hero')
18. Limber up
21. Avoid strip clubs
22. When in doubt, know your way out
29. The buddy system
31. Check the back seat
32. Enjoy the little things


We know most of the rules of Zombieland. We also know the old rules of the zombie canon, e.g. you must destroy the head or the brain, and if you’re bitten, you’re dead. We also know recent films have sought to break some or all of those rules. But what are the rules of the Zombie Universe, the universally acknowledged truths that will make for the perfect zombie film?


1. The cause of the Zombie outbreak has to reflect contemporary fears
In the midst of the Cold War, the zombie outbreak came from space. In recent years fear of stem cell research and medical experimentation on animals has resulted in a global outbreak. In the modern age, our fear of infection (swine flu, avian flu, any kind of flu) informs the cause of the post-apocalyptic nightmare. The idea of zombies is ridiculous, but that it could happen from something relatively plausible such as an epidemic, or pandemic, or space junk falling to Earth makes for some uncomfortable viewing. And that’s what we’re striving for.


2. Individual survivors must band together to face the zombie hordes
In scenarios like a zombie apocalypse, it’s the most unlikely that survive. Recluses too afraid to leave the house, gun-toting rednecks bent on vengeance, geeks used to avoiding a beating at lunch every day, kids from broken homes used to managing on their own, coma patients who miss the apocalypse. This isn’t always a good fit when several people think they should be in charge and one or two don’t let anyone be in charge of them. We at home know that their best chance of survival is sticking together, but it takes them a while to realise. And usually one of them ends up being killed by someone in the group. Group tension is usually required somewhere in the middle, when the tension brought about by the survivors’ immediate need to survive wears off a little.


3. Zombies shouldn’t run
In recent years zombies have been working on their personal fitness and are now capable of sprinting toward their victims. But this seems counter to the deeper fears zombies play on, namely, Death. Slow, inevitable, ever-present death. You can avoid it for a while, but gradually it will creep up on you. And I’m not alone in this thinking. In 2008, Simon Pegg lamented the end of the slow-moving zombie in his article, ‘The Dead and the Quick,’. That they now move faster does serve a purpose, however, which leads to the next rule.


4. Zombies need to be scary all the time
This appears to be a no-brainer, pardon the pun. But after the initial shock of seeing the Undead and discovering they can be killed, people may start to think they can survive this apocalypse business. So you need to remind people that zombies are still terrifying reminders of a painful death. But how? Usually a group attack will do the trick, but this will become boring. Another trick is revealing the band of survivors’ current hideout is unsafe. One of the best ways to remind people that zombies are terrifying, however, is having their loved ones transformed into the living dead. There’s nothing more gruesome than being eaten by your own family.


5. Guns
You need ‘em. But you should also have a shovel, club, or crossbow on hand. Or even a toaster oven or vinyl collection. We’re normally nervous about guns, and zombie films often suggest that they do come in handy sometimes. Gun control is an issue in itself, but the primary goal of this element of the zombie film is to illustrate that the rules change when society breaks down and what we’re scared to admit to ourselves is that the first thing we’ll probably reach for in the event of a global zombie outbreak is some form of weapon.


The idea of genre is that it’s a way of telling a story in a particular way and using certain codes and conventions to address particular themes and affect the audience in a certain way. It’s an easily recognisable structure that informs the audience what it’s about before they see it so that they can decide whether or not they’ll enjoy it. The zombie genre is technically a sub-genre of the horror genre and as such, it’s a way in which filmmakers can address the fears that are held in contemporary society, and a chance for the audience to reflect on them and examine them.


If the aim is to remind an audience of the things they fear most, then the zombie film (like other all horror films) has to consistently scare the hell out of its audience. And how? By following the above rules. It’s all about visual storytelling and creating the tension that allows for a visceral reaction to the themes addressed within the film or television series.


The following films (and one television series) follow these rules relatively consistently and are thus my pick as the best of the subgenre that I’ve seen:


Night of the Living Dead (George A. Romero, 1968)

Dawn of the Dead (George A. Romero, 1978)

28 Days Later (Danny Boyle, 2002)

Shaun of the Dead (Edgar Wright, 2004)

The Walking Dead (Frank Darabont, 2010 - )


Though I love it dearly, I have left Zombieland (Rubin Fleischer, 2009) off this list purely because I don’t think it follows my rules perfectly and because it’s not scary. It totally wins everything else, because of Bill Murray’s cameo.