The Dream

Every year I watch the Academy Awards on television I wonder what it would be like to win. I fantasise about what I would wear, how I would have my hair and what shoes would go with my dress.

I think about what I say in my speech and the award I might possibly win (Best Director, Best Original Screenplay or Best Picture? Sky's the limit).

However, the biggest fantasy is the afterparty. At this imaginary celebration of winners, I interrupt my conversation with some young Hollywood hottie when I spy Martin Scorsese, clutching yet another Oscar (now he's won one, they're sure to follow). Here is how the conversation goes:

Me: Excuse me, Sir, but I would just like to say that you are an amazing filmmaker and that as a film critic before a filmmaker, you've really inspired.

Marty: Well, thank you. You know, I saw your film and I have to say, it's incredible.

Me (blushing): Oh, thank you, Mr Scorsese, that's so nice of you!

Marty: Every year I'm impressed with the young kids coming through.

Me: Well, Mr Scorsese, I think that your films are such a complex analysis of masculinity and violence. Going from Mean Streets to the Departed, you can see the ways in which the two concepts are so intertwined.

And on I go, demonstrating the ways in which, if you analyse his films chronologically you can see that a lot of the same cycles of vengeance are repeated, and does he think that men haven't really found a way to break out of these patterns of behaviour, and he answers at length. In my fantasy, I do a lot of the talking. But Marty loves it - he tells me to call him Marty and it's incredible.

So scoff if you will at my humble little dream, but I bet all of you have a secret little inner nerd, dying to have an imaginary conversation with a great like Scorsese.

Now, Tarantino and I - that could be a long one.