Twilight

Picture it: A bored housewife sits at home listening to Muse and thinking to herself; how do I teach the kids the important values of faith and saving yourself for marriage without them laughing in my face or ignoring me?

The answer is the Twilight saga. And the values have become dressed up as vampire fiction, prompting vampires to become cool again (my friend Kass knew this months ago, but whatever). I don't know if that's actually how Stephenie Meyer's creative process got kickstarted, but I can see it in the books loud and clear, and it's very annoying to me.

But the kids love it, and I must say I took a week to read the entire series, so unable was I to put the books down. And so with everyone else I was excited to see the film adaptation of the first book in the series, Twilight. Not least because the kid who played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was playing Edward Cullen.

I have some very serious problems with the books. Other than being preachy, it seems to support a very oppressive position for young girls to put themselves in; namely, find a boy to look after you. On a literary level, I find Twilight incredibly frustrating. I know the kids like long books now (good old J.K.!), but seriously, you don't need three hundred pages to get to the point.

And while it's supposed to be a love story essentially, it's annoying that nothing of note happens until right at the very end, and that when it does happen, it's a huge anticlimax (hey, just because Bella and Edward aren't allowed to have any kind of climax until they're married, doesn't mean the reader can't have a good one, right?). Every time Bella is in danger, it just sort of, goes away. Alllll the time.

I wondered how the film would handle that and decided they would handle it well. Some film adaptations thrive with flawed source material. Kubrick did with A Clockwork Orange. Not that Twilight is anywhere near as good as that book. It's not hard to see what needs to be cut; mostly Bella's annoying lack of self-esteem, the introduction of real conflict earlier in the piece, and the endless descriptions of how hot Edward and his vampire family is.

Which, for the most part, the film does pretty skillfully. There are problems that can't be avoided - the apparent insistence by Meyer that we see what Edward's skin looks like in the sun (terribly fiddly special effects required, and it doesn't work very well, either), the fact that the danger at the end couldn't be sexed up enough without straying from the book (which I think they should've done), the insistence on hand-held camera work to give the film a 'realistic grounding' (totally pointless because it doesn't really suit the rest of the visual style, but if you're going to pursue it, at least make it good handheld camera work), and some dodgy casting (Nikki Reed is very pretty, but with her olive skin and dark brown hair she was always going to look awful as Rosalie Hale. She scrubs up ok but she's totally wrong for the part - Rosalie is described as being incredibly beautiful, beautiful as a human and even more so as a vampire. And the girl who played Alice was ok, but come on, did no one consider Nora Zehetner? She would've been awesome!). However, there is much that is good about the film.

The film looks beautiful, capturing the feel of the books perfectly. Everything is awash in muted blue and grey tones, contrasting with the green of the forest. Bella might hate it but the Forks of the film is incredibly pretty to look at. And so are the vampires. Well, mostly. They are exactly as they are described in the books, which must be a relief for fans and Meyer alike. And while the camera work can be dodgy, there are some really interesting moments (who knew pulling focus could look so cool?), and some nice subjective pov shots that remind you that this is Bella's story. Which is good, because Kristen Stewart portrays Bella as a smart, interesting, introverted character who is easily identified with.

The scenes of Bella with her school friends are probably the best, because director Catherine Hardwicke has experience realistically portraying teenagers. It provides a strong foundation with which to introduce the fantastic elements. Essentially, the story is about two teenagers experiencing their first love, and it's that element of the story that is done perfectly.

The vampire stuff is still pretty good, but I find those parts to be the weakest in the book, so perhaps it was always going to be the case. It's not that the film fails on this point, it's just that there's not much to work with.

The soundtrack is pretty good too. I expected much emo nonsense, but it is actually pretty decent. As an actor, Robert Pattinson is, well, a great musician. His contributions to the soundtrack are perfectly placed, hardly looking like shameless promotion at all. But the best part of the film, musically speaking, is the end. I heard 15 Step by Radiohead was a late inclusion, but it works beautifully. The first time I saw the film (yes, I've seen it twice. I am that lame), I was a little disappointed until the end credits. The end credits are really cool. It may not be a good thing that the best part about the film is the end credits, but they are really good.

I'm a bit worried about the rest of the series, but Twilight is good enough to keep the fans happy at least. Except for this douche bag who sat behind me and loudly exclaimed at the start that she'd been waiting to see the film for ages because she'd read all the books (you and every other 13 year old girl and her mum, honey)and then proceeded to explain the story to the kids she brough with her (to see a film about vampires. But the worst part really is that she talked during the film), only to say, again very loudly, that the film was disappointing. Maybe because you ruined it with your talking, bitch!

And Robert Pattinson is going to need a lot of help fighting off adolescent girls and finding one his own age after this, because he may just be the new Orlando Bloom.